The Seeker of Happiness returns!

Its been too long....again. Life has thrown me a fair few obstacles, which have proven difficult for the path I have planned for myself. I always find that in life, there are distractions and downfalls. Distractions, in which the responsibility lies with yourself, is one that plagues us all. We just have to remain focused and always keep in our mind what our ultimate goal is. Downfalls sometimes cant be helped and are an even bigger glaring problem. The method here would be to try and deal with such a problem the best you can, then once you have overcome whatever has tried to strike you down, carry on down the path to happiness. With dedication and perseverance, you will accomplish any goal you set yourself!

So here is a few things Ive faced recently:

INCIDENT - I lost my job - This is why I have been on Facebook a lot more recently

ACTION - I didnt waiver, I felt sad at first. But then I decided to just enjoy the free time I had! Then once I overcome the unfortunate situation, I went to a work agency and they have been giving me constant work ever since. I fixed a problem from one of lifes downfalls. Which proves my theory in my opening paragraph :)

INCIDENT - The council have deemed my house not fit to live in and we all have to be out at the end of the month. We were all supposed to move into an empty house with the same agency. But 2 of my housemates had a bust up and now we arent moving into the empty house!

ACTION - I tried not to fret. I simply looked at my finances, despite not yet having consistant, full-time work. I looked at available options and evaluated my budget and how much I could afford. I went to view a house yesterday and it looks promising. I wont be homeless at the end of the month and the house I went to see was so LUSH!

These are two of the major downfalls in my life right now. But I seemed to have dealt with them incredibly well. Having Kirsty to support me was really lovely too. She helped me retain my confidence and helped me see the strength I possess within myself. Im a survivor, I can deal with most shit life hands me.

Project Sylo hasnt been going all too well due to this, sadly. But once I move into my new house, I should feel fresh and ready to carry on with improving myself. I apologise this hasnt been a long update, but I just wanted to let you know what has been going on in my life for the past month or so. I missing writing and I feel a little better now I have typed this. I hope you are all well and your lives are going great. Im around on facebook, so if you do wanna chat, about anything at all, then dont hesitate to message me and I will be more than happy to chat :)

Hello and Project Sylo!

If you're reading this Im assuming you clicked the link from my Facebook status yes? Well, thanks you. Its been a crazy long time since I last wrote an entry, I dont want to even think of the frustration I feel. I have lost touch with words, and words have more meaning than a definition in some dictionary. They are what connects us all. Im also aware that there are probably people reading this who have only got to know me recently. Again, thank you. I really appreciate people who have time to want to know me better and see my opinion of the world and its wonderful attractions. Its a welcoming thought in a world thats seemingly so full of disdain.

Whats new? Well Ive been wasting away (not physically!) and not really doing much. I only have myself to blame and Ive moaned on here before about not grasping the motivation to seek out what I am so passionate about. I constantly feel like Im not using the entirety of my mental capacity. There are so many experiences that I want to experience, so much I want to see and learn.

Im also now single. Yep. Such is a shame. But I think sometimes we can all fool ourselves into think we have found what we've been looking for. Ever since my life was destroyed by my ex, Ive been searching for that one person who would be a blessing and complete my life and fill me with happiness, but as Im the seeker of happiness, naturally, it like to evade me. Love is an unconditional variable, so you can never really expect anything. I have a whole entry dedicated to "love" and its mysteries. In fact, I actually have a rather unique theory on love. So if you continue to read my blog, you will soon find out what that magnificent unique view is!

Its 2012, its a new year, and apparently the last year that we will live, apparently according to the mathematics of the Mayans (cheers guys!) Time to unleash my true potential.

Introducing "PROJECT SYLO"

SYLO is actually an acronym that stands for "Sort Your Life Out" It just happens to sound pretty cool too haha :P
The following quote is from an InMe song and I use it to gain inspiration and motivation. Haters will always hate, but with this mindset, I cant fail :)

"I wont ever be distracted by the ones who want me to fail"

I will keep this in mind each and everyday, and especially moreso if I have some particularly bad days where I feel pretty rubbish about myself.

A long list is about to follow, dont let this scare you! Its just double spaced :P These are all the goals I hope to achieve in due time. Project Sylo is not a new years resolution, its a constant, every changing, adaptive life long plan for me. Its focus is to help me become a better, faster, stronger and more dedicated person. It helps me put into perspect all the goals I want to grasp in my lifetime.

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DISALLOWED

No chocolate/cakes/biscuits etc

No Microwave meals or pizza

Basically no CRAP

No carbonated drinks
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Achieve a body similar to Craig Horner's

No eating after 11pm

In bed by 1am latest

300 situps a day

Keep to a strict healthy, high protein diet

Workouts VERY regularly

Get to a dentist and sort teeth out

Save at least £65 a week in 2011

Have a nice relaxing bath once a week

Write more poetry

Learn Archery

Learn Kickboxing

Write stories/blog more

Draw shapes/abstract

Read more!!

Complete the Sword of Truth bookset by Terry Goodkind (13
books!)

Play scrabble competitively

Learn more Swedish

Get at least 2 professional photoshoots

Visit one place in the world I havent been

Travel most of europe/world next summer

Save £5000 for next summer

Become involved in a charity

Raise money for charity

Start a video log

Drink at least 1.5 litres of water per day

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So thats what I have so far! Please let me know your thoughts/opinions on my Project Sylo! I aim to regularly update on how sylo is going and any challenges I face, so you wont be in the dark. Hopefully you will gain some inspiration from this.

I know this is a pretty brief entry. But I just felt like I should say Hey, get back into writing and introduce sylo to my new friends who keep asking what the hell it is! :P

I am the Seeker of Happiness and my journey continues. For each person who has read this, thank you. I really appreciate your time and effort into understanding me better. I hope that we'll become even more awesome friends in time :)

Wading through the Quandary of Ambivalence

I know I have not posted for many months, and I do feel slightly guilty about this. I feel like I am wasting my writing talent by not using them effectively and as freely as I should. I also feel that perhaps many do not care much for what I have on my mind, my opinions or indeed the way I feel. I cant see exactly who views this, the number of different people who read it, I only have my judgement based on the people in my life. If you are reading this now, then I thank you. I feel like you care to some degree, or are just curious as to what I have to say after many months. Perhaps I have new readers, since accumulating more friends via facebook and such. If so, then welcome.

So, in these last few months I have achieved the following:

- Spent a month in Spain (without getting homesick)

- Procured a lovely girlfriend, her name is Kirsty; she's lovely and amazing.

- Almost maxed out my credit card (oops! But we all have debts somewhere)

- Been to a few gigs. Enter Shikari and Dave McPherson

- Puchased tickets to numerous events, such as the Final Fantasy Orchestral performance in London, Derren Brown etc.

- Learned a whole lot more about myself, the world around me and the people who inhabit it also.

- Procrastinated

So maybe not a whole lot, but having a girlfriend certainly changes my life and brings me a lot more happiness and positive energy.

Im not even sure what to talk about or where to start. I feel my writing style has left me, but Im sure it shall return the more I write. Which I plan to, as I thoroughly enjoy writing, especially if there are people who appreciate reading what I have to write :)

Lately I have been wading through a quandary of ambivalence. One which I am not too proud of, or happy about. It seems I am having a hard time with Project Sylo (for those who dont know what that is, please search for one of my first blog entries) I am lacking the motivation to get it kick started. I am also indulging one of my worst habits, which is wasting time. I really dislike time being wasted...If I feel like I am not doing anything creative, or such activity that improves my life to some degree, then I feel that the time just spent has been lost to procrastination or whatever force should apply. I do not need tips or criticism as to how I should behave in accordance to my feelings. I know and fully accept my responsibility for the actions I have taken.I see how much potential I have, the things I can achieve and how great I can be. But, at times, it feels like Im at the bottom of a HUGE cliff, and have NO idea of how to scale it. Sure, I may have faith and the knowledge of how to accomplish this task, but I dont necessary have the equipment needed to complete it. I feel like there is something missing perhaps...a certain motivative feature, or the knowledge of the method or the execution or order of how things should progress.

I am certain that very soon, I will just gather all the might and motivation I have and get myself kick started and stop indulging myself into procrastination. I am far from lazy, but I feel like there is some unseen force that is constantly attempting to strip me of my willpower, and it makes me feel somewhat useless.

I do apologise that this entry isnt all too positive and constructive. I just needed to express my thoughts in a manner in which I would feel that counteracts my procrastination as of late. I will be back to my normal self as soon as I can snap out of this strange mood I seem to have characteristically wondered into.

I am the Seeker of Happiness and my journey continues.



"I'm not a saint, but I can paint myself into a better picture"



- We all have the power to change who we are, are you strong enough?

Surprising stresses, stutters sequaciousness

Hello kind and lovely readers (yes, readers, because its descript to what you are doing and also because of the context!) But also many of you are my friends, people who I see regularly, and other people who I dont get to see much (sadly) To those who are new to my blog, welcome and I really hope you enjoy this spectacular, intricate and slightly fascinating glimpse into my Utopia. This is my safe haven where I get to unleash the troubles and tribulations of my mental state. I do hope you appreciate and enjoy what I write, because every person who reads this blog, inspires me deeply, especially as I know that the people who read this, are people who care about me, in some degree. For those who dont particularly like me, may I ask, why do you read this? Okay, enough with the unequivocal statements. What have I been up to....?!

So its the middle of July, just into the second half of the year now. I have mixed feelings as to how I felt this year has gone so far. I have moved from Manchester in February, and have sinced moved twice since being down here, which makes my current accommodation, my third place since being in Cardiff. Is that a good thing? Perhaps...Im not used to settling down, but I wouldnt say that I am fleeing when things dont work out. I just simply know when to cut my loses and jump at an opportunity which creates a better quality of life for myself. One of the bonuses of living where I am now, is that its £100 cheaper a month, maybe even more (depending on cost of bills). Within a 12 month contract, over the course of a year, thats a saving of £1200 without even trying! So Ive already saved myself a huge amount of money. There isnt Internet yet, but I believe there is more to life than being connected to a cyber world as opposed to the real thing. This gives me the chance and more importantly, the kick up the bloody arse to get my project sylo started, properly. No more fucking around this time :)

Overall, Im feeling generally happy. Those who care about me, keep in touch via text messages, which is very much appreciated btw. If you dont have my number and do wish to have it, then please dont hesitate to message me on Facebook or whatever. Im still failing to have any luck or possess any skill to actually maintain the interest of a girl. There was a scenario recently that had potential to flourish and manifest into something pretty fun and amazing, but alas, Im assuming the feeling isnt mutual, as I havent heard anything back from this girl regarding our current situation. But as Ive said in past entries (or at least Im sure I have!) that having the pleasure to be in the company of such an amazing girl is only a fraction of the happiness you can own. This lovely girl who makes me feel so amazing about myself must only add to my already existing happiness, it would be incredibly foolish to allow myself to let a girl possess complete functionality of my happiness. Ambivalence is in abundance, but my sequaciousness creates conflict in some areas of my life. Decisions have to be made, but in order to execute this process, I must first hold the knowledge which will help me make the right decisions for myself. Im still remaining positive that one day, there will be this almighty lovely, incredibly fun and beautiful girl that will lure my heart to the fields of paradise. The more a person gets to know me, the more I open up and trust. With me, what you see ISNT what you get, because first I must know what there is to be gained, otherwise my efforts might not appreciated with the girl I wish to show them to. Im hoping Im making some sense here! Its been a while since Ive wrote an entry. My technical style is waning and a more common approach is appearing.

Sadly, I did not get the job for management training. Yes, this is slightly bad news. But I dont plan on serving people pizzas for the rest of my life. I was just hoping that I could gain some experience along my journey to be a counsellor. During the interview process I learned a lot about myself from my perspective and also from the prospective of the upper echelons of the pizza hut company. They shone a torch on some issues which I was blind to before. This is handy to know. As most of you know what project sylo is, this information is seriously useful for my ongoing journey to better myself and become more understanding and become a good person.
I have allowed myself to wade through the waters on ambivalence for far, far, far too long now. I do feel utterly ashamed. One my extreme pet hates is wasting time. I cannot stand entertaining any activity in which I believe is a waste of time. Im not entirely sure exactly how I pertain to guage whether what I do is wasting time or not, I just somehow know. I look back in the last 12 months, and think, "If I started this back then, I could have achieved this by now" This makes me graciously upset. I KNOW my potential and I KNOW what I am capable of. Yet day by day, I let this potential slip and slide down the awesome waterfall of fuck my life! Dont get me wrong, Im not depressed about this or about to KO myself or anything bloody ridiculous :P Its just something Ive picked up on, and I will NOT allow myself to continue this charade of masquerading any longer. If I am to be serious about my project, then I must follow it pedantically and adhere to every amendment. Otherwise my potential is being put on the sideline and everyday wasted is a day where I am one more step away from achieving what I set out to do. For those of you who are not aware of project sylo, I shall post it up as a new blog entry a day after I have posted this one, (So basically, tomorrow!)

In closing for this entry I want to say that I hope you are using your own potential to meet your goals and your needs. We all have the power to tap into a side of us that is an incredible and awe-inspiring. We can become faster, stronger, healthier. We can attain to the superlatives and surpass ourselves. We can use our desire and passion to fuel our dedication to become a better 'version' of who we are today. Because the world is constantly changing, people around us are constantly changing, what are we doing to change ourselves exactly? If you have that desire, and you possess that passion, reach for the skies, travel to your utopian world and do what it takes to release a potential inside of you which has perhaps lain dormant most of your life, if not all of it.

I once said something to someone I used to care about, and it was this "I feel like a tree thats falling in the woods, no one can hear me, no one cares." Well, now I have an answer - Be the biggest, most beautiful tree anywhere in the woods. Be the tree that gets noticed from miles away, that attracts many visitors who appreciate what an amazing tree you are. Just because you're a person among millions in this world, doesnt mean that you cant be seen or heard. There will always be someone in this world who will listen to you, no matter how far away you are. There are people in this world who will care about you, no matter how often you see them. There are people in your life who will ALWAYS remember the time you shared together. If you are reading this, and you know that we have shared a special time together, just know that I hold the time we shared in my heart and I appreciated every minute that was spent in your world.
Its 1:26am as I finish this entry. Yes I know Im breaking project sylo, but alas, a worthy sacrifice! Goodnight you amazing people :) x

A Higher State of Mind

Wow....so its been almost 20 days since Ive last made an update....I feel out of touch with you readers. I often wonder if you miss reading my blog and if you enjoy what I write, even though I can be quite technical in the way I write things. Well this entry is going to be an insight into my person life. Ive experienced a hell of a lot in the last 3 weeks that really need to be expressed to you, and hopefully you will learn something, but more importantly it gives you a chance to get to know me better :)

I really feel that now, I have settled into Cardiff, and almost adapted to the lifestyle and people that live here.I feel that Cardiff has enabled me to build on my emotional foundations and shape a new perspective. In the last few weeks, I feel like I have evolved, in a sense. I am more in control of my emotions, the choices I make, the reasons I make them and most importantly the ability to handle my insecurities better.

Right now, Im feeling the most positive I have felt for a very long time, and Im really proud of myself and my integrity. Anyone who has seen me ride through the god awful shitstorms Ive endured will know how much these feelings mean to me now. The reason why Im feeling more positive is because Ive learned to just let go and live life, dont question things, but to just simply embrace them. Experienced are there to be shared and cherished, not questioned and under siege. Ive even had friends comment on how positive Im becoming and that my life seems pretty awesome now. Positivity is the way forward people!

Im going to list some amazing reasons why my life is awesome, for me to see and aknowledge and also for you to get an idea of what my life is like currently.

- I have an amazing job, which is remarkably flexible and really great pay

- I have FINALLY nailed my financial accounts. Money problems no longer exist (No, you cant borrow a tenner, FUCK OFF!) :P

- I have joined a website www.couchsurfing.org and have hosted people from around the world at my home

- I am constantly meeting new people and expanding my social network. Cardiff is a VERY friendly city :)

- Because I am feeling more positive, Im having much more happier experiences with all the people around me (bar the current housemate situation, more on that in a bizzle, nizzle!)

Hmm...okay, I suck at bullet points, my need for including detail goes beyond the fathoms of bullet points!

Okay, so a big update. Im moving house! Yes, this was entirely my decision :) I realise that living here is seriously restricting my freedom and the ability to evolve and be completely honest to who I am. I dont want to have to gold back on my personality and who I am because it doesnt seem to fit into the general personality of the household. Personally the people I currently live with are boring shits! Not much more can be said really :/ I should be meeting with the other new tenants to this house in the next couple of days to sign the contract etc. One guy works at a casino, one girl studies criminology, another girl is studying english language, having conversations with her is SO going to fascinate me, we can bore the rest of the house with our awesome leet skills haha! These new people seem really awesome, and hopefully I'll fit in well in this new house :)

Also, another major update! There is a very high chance I will be going to Seville (Southern Spain) to work at a backpackers hostel for a WHOLE MONTH! Yeah, you read that right! It seems a bit scary right now, but they have accepted my application and have welcomed me to work there. I have planned to go in Mid August, until the week before my birthday. I still have to sort a few things out and confirm it further, but yeah :D Seville is also meant to be amazingly hot in august, almost 40 degrees! :O

Hmmm...I dont think this needs to be a really long and in depth entry. Ive kinda got side tracked by the whole Seville thing...Im really excited about it!

I will definitely update a LOT more than I have been doing. So I do apologise for not posting more content, you can shoot me later. I hope that you enjoy reading my entries and really appreciate what I have to type and share with you. I know that this is slightly less technical than my normal entries, but I dont want to distance people with the strange typing style I apparently have O.o Ive recently found out that there are quite a lot of people who read my blog, which makes me very happy that people are wanting to be a part of my life, whether you talk to me everyday or just a couple of times a week. The fact that you read my blog tells me that you care about me, and for this, I thank you :)

Ive definitely got a load more things to talk about, but this is it for now Im sorry to say :( I miss my friends terribly and I always look forward to talking with you very soon. Dont be shy to strike up a conversation with me, whether its through msn/facebook or by text. I always have time for you lovely, amazing people :D

Ferociously Fervent Feedback

So lately I have been a complete stereotypical pubescent emo youth, of which I am not very proud of, I assure you. I have suffered moodswings, slightly depressive states, frustration, procrastination, and idiocity and perhaps even ignorance. I have at times, disregarded myself and pushed myself to the kerb, believing others to have contributed. I always find it so easy to think that people have given up on me, or discarded me like the joker in a pack of cards, laughed away and flicked to the bin. My insecurities still tether just under the suface, like bubbling hot chocolate beneath the glorious fluffy marshmallows and lush whipped cream. I WANT to believe people and girls like me, but its such a hard task. I ctas my own misfortune upon myself. Who would want to keep trying to be nice and get to know me, if all I do is keep getting upset because my insecurities tell me they dont like me.

I was told today that out of all the people this one person knows, I am the most defensive, in regards to having a laugh or taking banter. Which, I wouldnt disagree with. This is precisely what I mean in the above paragraph when I am and have always been going through a hardship in regards to people affections. The more I believe and see that a person genuinely likes me for me, the more jokes and banter I can take from them. That doesnt mean I'll let my good friends get away with backhanded comments :P I can play fire with fire, but ultimately I know Im the one who is more likely to get burned. I sometimes do wonder where the good intention lies within the context, it can be a hard tone to decipher. I can seem to fathom the depths of peoples humour at times, especially if I cant even gauge the extent they like me too.

This is one of the main issues that keep reoccuring in my life and ultimately drives great people away from me, without it even being my intention, but alas, my cause. I will endeavour to do my best and try to lighten up as much as I can and see that these people are being affectionate, because they like me to some degree. To all those that have been affected by my defensive comments, I do apologise and hope you understand that I dont wish to offend you, its simply a matter of my insecurities trying to discern the meaning from your comments.

Another issue that has been swirling through my mind is the fact of my housemates. Their conspiracy betraying my confidence. Without my knowing they met up with our landlord, and pretty much complained to him about what they dont like about me. Im due to have a meeting with these cowardly beings on Monday evening, to which I will attend and show my disdain for their lack of clear honesty and faithfulness. They havent even expressed many of these problems towards me, and most of them are just petty things relating to my character. Im sorry, you knew I worked a LOT of hours and awkward shift times, I dont choose to be unsociable, but Im always game for a chat or beer if you want to invite me. I feel utterly betrayed. I have found the most lovely house and environment and location. I will not be made to feel like an outcast yet a fucking gain!

It always seems to happen to me...making my struggle to attain complete confidence within myself and towards other people. These people chose me to move in over a good few other people, but then seek to complain about me rather than discuss the issue face to face. This problem doesnt really threaten or bother me too much, as I know that I cannot be forced out, as Im under a contract. Plus their reasons wont even warrant enough power should they want me out at the end of the contract. I keep trying to believe in mankind and have faith that there are people out there who express love and compassion for me. I show a LOT of compassion to other people, relevant to how much compassion I feel from them.

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The next topic I would like to discuss is Love. This small little, four letter word has been punishing me for quite some time. The hurt is fading, but sometimes it slithers and wraps round my heart like deadly vines, which are alive. For a moment, Im paralysed, in fear. I dont ever know when I should feel such a feeling again. I believe I have only been or loved anyone once. Most of you know who this person was...or used to be. I have the utmost repressed envy for all of you whom Ive met. You're all experiencing this special feeling as you are reading this entry. Some of you have been graced by the magnitude and wonder of Love for quite some time, perhaps even years, but many different people too, friends, family and especially that one most amazing person who captures your heart in just a glimpse.

You all are so very incredibly lucky. As you are reading this, I really hope you are thinking of those people, or even that one person who you love dearly. Do not let them go, battle through every war, endure every heartache, because those strong enough to fight and survive through a detrimental shitstorm and hard times, are the hardest of hearts, the keeper of love. A reminiscent paradise of which for many people are just but a clandestine utopia, never appearing upon their present earth, or speculating among their everyday life. Love to some is but a dream, and others bask in the glory of the most delightful clouds and strikingly clear blue skies.

Do not be afraid to show your love to the people who do you love.

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I apologise to everyone who Ive snapped at, been moody towards and misunderstood their intentions, actions or words. For every person I do talk to, I do it out of choice and affection. I only have the purest of intentions, and that is to be liked, or even loved. There is a person who I care about more than just a friend, but she might not ever know because of my fear I have for rejection. But instead of worrying myself and enduring the possible craptastic heartache, I shall enjoy the pleasure of her company as much as I can and wishes that she too finds that one person who will bring her joy, love and compassion, even if that person isnt me.

I wont ever stop searching for happiness. But Im growing tired of this long and most difficult journey. Especially concerning the female fatalistics, they are such a wonderful and amazing species, but they have a devastating amount of power. For the moment, I am just going to take a ride in the backseat, feel the breeze desperately blasting my face, the sunshine gleaming into my eyes, trying to pierce my fierce determination, calming me, relaxing and telling me to enjoy life and stop searching so hard. Happiness belongs to the happy, but for now, I will enjoy climbing the tower of perdition and releasing myself wholly from my past and all its afflictions.

Happiness here I come, will you be waiting?

Carefully Caressing Contemplations

So I just went to watch a midnight screening of the new X Men film "First Class" It was pretty damn amazing, easily the best action type film Ive seen in a very long time. It had all the right elements, the casting and acting was incredible and the overall story was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed it :) But it also called up a lot of philosophical issues, which is what I would like to blog about tonight, so you've been warned! :P

I always like watching films which have a supernatural theme to them. It really blows me away, the possibilities which can be achieved. It never mattered so much when I was younger, growing up, watching various films and tv shows, no there is a need for deeper understanding and explanation. But it also peaks my curiosity, because although they outline how the powers work in the film to an extent, it never reveals the entire inner workings and methods. This really makes me feel quite naive and almost ignorant to how things work. I have a very natural curiosity level, and a slight obsession with wanting to know as much as I can. I really am going to try my best to learn more about physics and biology, and explore just the slight possibility of mutations happening. It really does fascinate and intrigue me. It would be amazing to discover that there may be a way humans can alter certain states and their effects.

I remember the film also had a pretty amazing quote, which kinda went like "Jeckyl and Hyde was never about good and evil, it was about man taming the beast inside of him and learning to focus and control it" Which I feel is really true. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that we all have a greater power within us that we seem to be covering up most of the time. I think a lot of people around me are really repressed and unaware of human capabilities. Im not even sure if they are interested in exploring this, as some people are quite happy ploodding along in life, which is all fine, of course :) Im just merely expressing an interest beyond the fathoms of other people. I always believe I can be faster, stronger and more mature. In time, I will make this happen and be able to report said changes and show that we all have a beast in us waiting to be unleashed and show ourselves our true power and capabilities. Either that or I live in a dream world hehe :P

Another theme I'd like to touch on is conflict. It shows how two best friends became enemies. It just seemed rather sad at how both parties became conflicted and the only result way to go their own way, but also encounter conflict with each other because of the opposite journey to the same goal. I think that holds true with a lot of friendships today...as much as people argue and fight, they still care about each other and wish each other happiness. Some people just simply give up and lose faith or they just simply dont understand the reasoning of the other person, which is really sad, but it happens. I guess everyone is trying to ultimately reach the same goal...and that goal is happiness. If their way to happiness means not being your friend or lover, then so be it. After all you both want each other to reach that goal, why stop them? Im just pretty sad at all the people who have wished to cease all contact with me through silly reasons...I really enjoy friendship and talking to people, but it seems lately people are distancing themselves from me and this makes me quite sad and makes me feel like something is terribly wrong with me :(

I think they are the key points I really needed to let out tonight as they were really bugging me during the walk home from the cinema. I just thought I'd share these thoughts just in case you have the same thoughts and think you're strange for thinking them, well you're not, cos Im quite the freak and you'll be pleased to know I think about as many crazy things as you do :P

I really appreciate my life and I feel its heading into a really positive direction. I know Ive been all over the place lately and perhaps even a bit depressed, but I take full responsibility and Im not even sure why I let this happen to me, Ive been slipping lately because of feeling like this, and I dont want to feel like it any longer. I dont enjoy being upset, its most definitely not like me. If I have upset any of you lovely people in the slightest lately, then I must apologies and hope that I have shown my apologies directly to you.

I miss you all, goodnight :3