Carefully Caressing Contemplations

So I just went to watch a midnight screening of the new X Men film "First Class" It was pretty damn amazing, easily the best action type film Ive seen in a very long time. It had all the right elements, the casting and acting was incredible and the overall story was amazing. I thoroughly enjoyed it :) But it also called up a lot of philosophical issues, which is what I would like to blog about tonight, so you've been warned! :P

I always like watching films which have a supernatural theme to them. It really blows me away, the possibilities which can be achieved. It never mattered so much when I was younger, growing up, watching various films and tv shows, no there is a need for deeper understanding and explanation. But it also peaks my curiosity, because although they outline how the powers work in the film to an extent, it never reveals the entire inner workings and methods. This really makes me feel quite naive and almost ignorant to how things work. I have a very natural curiosity level, and a slight obsession with wanting to know as much as I can. I really am going to try my best to learn more about physics and biology, and explore just the slight possibility of mutations happening. It really does fascinate and intrigue me. It would be amazing to discover that there may be a way humans can alter certain states and their effects.

I remember the film also had a pretty amazing quote, which kinda went like "Jeckyl and Hyde was never about good and evil, it was about man taming the beast inside of him and learning to focus and control it" Which I feel is really true. Not in the literal sense, but in the sense that we all have a greater power within us that we seem to be covering up most of the time. I think a lot of people around me are really repressed and unaware of human capabilities. Im not even sure if they are interested in exploring this, as some people are quite happy ploodding along in life, which is all fine, of course :) Im just merely expressing an interest beyond the fathoms of other people. I always believe I can be faster, stronger and more mature. In time, I will make this happen and be able to report said changes and show that we all have a beast in us waiting to be unleashed and show ourselves our true power and capabilities. Either that or I live in a dream world hehe :P

Another theme I'd like to touch on is conflict. It shows how two best friends became enemies. It just seemed rather sad at how both parties became conflicted and the only result way to go their own way, but also encounter conflict with each other because of the opposite journey to the same goal. I think that holds true with a lot of friendships today...as much as people argue and fight, they still care about each other and wish each other happiness. Some people just simply give up and lose faith or they just simply dont understand the reasoning of the other person, which is really sad, but it happens. I guess everyone is trying to ultimately reach the same goal...and that goal is happiness. If their way to happiness means not being your friend or lover, then so be it. After all you both want each other to reach that goal, why stop them? Im just pretty sad at all the people who have wished to cease all contact with me through silly reasons...I really enjoy friendship and talking to people, but it seems lately people are distancing themselves from me and this makes me quite sad and makes me feel like something is terribly wrong with me :(

I think they are the key points I really needed to let out tonight as they were really bugging me during the walk home from the cinema. I just thought I'd share these thoughts just in case you have the same thoughts and think you're strange for thinking them, well you're not, cos Im quite the freak and you'll be pleased to know I think about as many crazy things as you do :P

I really appreciate my life and I feel its heading into a really positive direction. I know Ive been all over the place lately and perhaps even a bit depressed, but I take full responsibility and Im not even sure why I let this happen to me, Ive been slipping lately because of feeling like this, and I dont want to feel like it any longer. I dont enjoy being upset, its most definitely not like me. If I have upset any of you lovely people in the slightest lately, then I must apologies and hope that I have shown my apologies directly to you.

I miss you all, goodnight :3

Repeatedly Rolling in Reverse

So in recent weeks Ive been noticing a reoccuring pattern in my behaviour. I always seem to take one step forward, then two steps back. Sometimes the step forward will be in my head, and the two steps back appear in physical form. I like to fantasize about being productive and really kickstarting myself and progressing...but something happens...It doesnt feel like procrastination. Well maybe it is, perhaps in disguise?

I WILL make Project Sylo a full time project and not just a list of rules I can just pick and choose from.

I WILL follow a daily routine that will improve my life, my health and my happiness.

This is becoming tiring...to myself. I think of time that has passed, and think "If I had begun this way back then, I would have been 'X' by now" and that frustrates me to an unfathomable (is that event a word?!) degree. I cant seem to shake this, but I most definitely WILL very very soon.

Also girls, you suck! Many apologies. You just love fooling around with us guys D: Ive also discovered that Im the catalyst for your happiness. So if any point you've become interested in me and then its waned, you will most definitely find a boyfriend very soon after! Okay, this may seem a little childish, but whatever. Im also growing tired of finding a girl who is actually genuine, honest and committed. But Im The Seeker of Happiness for a reason :/

However, on a more positive note: I am putting a lot of effort into making my friends happy, and hopefully Karma will come around and reward me for such efforts :P Its great to know that I can create happiness within my friends, because they mean so much to me :)

Im not quite sure what else I wanted to say here. I also felt guilty for not updating in a while for there is not much to note. Im a more philosophical blogger as opposed to posting about boring, crappy everyday stuff ^^

Goodnight lovely, awesome people! :3

Belated Blessing of a Befriender

So yet again, someone predicted that the world will end....when will these people see that their flawed logic and clearly insane prediections just do not cut it. Im not quite sure of why people feel the need to share their opinions with the world about the worlds demise, and their opinion gets publicised because they have credentials :/

Besides, even if the world did happen to end earlier this evening, Ive had a bloody good month! Possibly one of the best Months of my life. Full of cherished memories and events, new friendships, potential and personal improvement. I feel I have been blessed, for an athiest, life sure works in a strange way in my eyes.

Sometimes I fail to realise just how awesome my life is. Im not trying to come across as big-headed or cocky, because believe me, I have my flaws and doubts in general. But looking at my life comparitively, I have it pretty damn good. It makes a huge difference to my mindset. This time last year was pretty damn awful and terrible and would really not want to relive them days at all. However, there are just a few problems/concerns I have. I would like to find a good confidant/friend that I confess to...because lately Ive been needing to talk to people but I find my trust is tested when I feel myself allowing my issues to be in the hands of someone I trust. I miss having a person I can tell anything to and know that it will all be okay and that someone listens without judgement.

Its been a long time since Ive been close with anyone, enough to trust them with my inner thoughts and feelings. Ive had a few very close friends, but they have devastated my trust and I also made foolish mistakes. There is one person who Im starting to think has the potential to be a very close friend, but Im still wary with the amount of trust and personal information I give him...I guess thats only natural right...?

For now, I am committing myself fully to project sylo and will be doing everything I can to enforce the "rules" within my project. I cannot let myself slip too many times, because I will deviate from everything that is meaningful. This project is the catalyst to a better life and better mind and hopefully it'll lead me somewhere close to happiness...

If you are reading this and communicate with me on a regular basis, or you see me frequently or occasionally, then chances are I like you. Im also very extremely glad for your time. I very much enjoy the company of people who are willing to show that they appreciate mine. Thanks for reading, I know its not a deep entry, but just wanted to update :)

Goodnight everyone :)

Attempting to control challenging catalysts

I am in a rather strange place and time in my life now. Im not sure if its because Im reading all these different types of books offering advice, solutions and answering general queries about life and love. Dont get me wrong, Im completely confident with the way I handle my life. But I always like to be intrinsic and live vicariously and also amuse myself by looking at other people and how they live their life and make their decisions.

Maybe what I am experiencing is change? I feel like Ive taken in some critical information and knowledge that has embedded into my brain and mind and created a new way of thinking. I feel much more self aware and so much more in control (of myself, Im not a control freak!) I also think that what Im feeling right now is a result of me deciding, whether consciously or subconsciously, to take more responsibility for the events, mishaps and occurances in my life. I no longer feel the need to shun or drop responsibility onto other people. I am happy to accept my mistakes, shortcomings or errs that are indeed wholly my fault. This isnt about being shameful or selfish, or perhaps guilty. You take the responsibility, you accept it, then you think of a rational solution and then you let it go. Thats right you LET IT GO.

In order to heal and regenerate our courage and security, we need to be rid of the torments that plague our mind and memories. I have been both awful and terrible with this. Far too many times Ive let the grasp of depressing capture itself round my neck, pressing down on my chest and suffocating the life out of me. It may seem like an exasperated metaphor, but really, it sucks your whole entire personality dry. You become this person who exudes negative energy, who has lost the buzz, zest and lust for life. Who no longer cares what they wear, how they smell, or if they mistakenly buy kitchen roll instead of toilet roll but use it anyway! The point is, Ive been there, done that (not the kitchen roll bit, god no!) and got as many t shirts as justin beiber has bounties on his head! Eventually you come out the other end of this big, dark, blackened cathartic void that is depression and you see everything for how it should be.

Its taken me a good few years to become the way I am. Which is a much better person than I ever was before. To people reading this now who have some bad memories of me, I really do apologise. My intent was not to cause you harm or offence. I hope that I have regained any trust or sentiments lost within our bonds. My penance has been attained by losing friends and loved ones. I also believe that Karma has jumped on the same bandwagon, which is good...we can be buddies at times, me and karma :)

I dont even know if I am making much sense. Ive taken in so much information in the last couple of days that my head is a big psychological and philosophical mindbendingly torrent storm. So I do hope a shred of information from my blog entry has infiltrated or been accepted into your mind and taken on board. I feel that perhaps I could elaborate on a few points, but Im losing focus and I dont wanna confuse any more people.

In the end, we are our own salvation. You can only rescue yourself from...yourself. Also your life. Yes people help and yes people offer support, care and love. But ultimately any decision you make will be your own. As long as you are aware of this, you have the knowledge that something can be done, regardless. You should be learning to accept full responsibility for those situations you've shunned the blame for. I hope Im not preaching, but this is all what Ive had to learn myself.

A perfect fitting quote here would be by Mr Dave McPherson, the legendary frontman for the progressive rock band InMe, and it goes like this: "Im not a saint, but I can paint myself into a better picture"

Goodnight all you amazing and beautiful people that are reading this. I appreciate every yachtosecond of your time :3

Pretty Pity in Piety

I cant believe I havent posted for over a month...that is simply unacceptable. Also, Ive not really been happy with the way Sylo has been going. Its half working, but Im slightly struggling to stick to the other rules to Sylo, which gets me down when Im feeling productive. I just feel that I keep letting myself down and I dont feel too proud about it. I dont mean to start off a fresh entry by being bit down. Im just merely posting this to express the disappointment I feel for myself regarding my whole self improvement plan :(

But aside from the rather nullifying statement above, I have been venturing into more happy endeavours, which is always playing a tune on the happy scale :) I have been to see Dave McPherson a couple of times, which was absolutely mind-blowingly amazing :D Ive purchased a new laptop and some skullcandy headphones, which Im sure you've seen on facebook :) A friend recently came and visited me, and I rediscovered my love for Nandos! That place is heaven :D I also wrote another poem last night, its on my facebook notes if you would like to check it out.

So basically Project Sylo will be back in play. I need a good hard kick up the arse, I really want to focus on improving the overall quality of my life, and thats the whole point of Project Sylo. I have been feeling really great lately, drinking 2 litres of water a day is certainly helping. So thats a top tip I recommend to anyone wishing to make the most minimalistic improvement in your life. You'd be surprised how vastly water affects our body and our mood :)

I am going to see Panic! At the Disco on Monday, yes I know, Im a lucky bugger, already been told that by many people! :P I am going to see Dave McPherson again on the 21st, which is going to be amazing of course! Then hopefully a good friend of mine is coming to stay for a couple of days, which will also be a great time! Lots to look forward to for the rest of this month then. June however is still quiet.... :P

Im gonna make sure that I update this even more regularly than I used to, as I know some of you miss my entries :) Just bear with me if I rant, get a bit depressed/emo and just generally post about garbage or my opinions on this world and everything in general.

Im glad to be back and Im alive and well. Please keep reading and to those who have recently met me, welcome to my world. I am the Seeker of Happiness :3