Monday 23 April 2012
Quixotic Quandary
So, the title of my post pretty much sums up how I feel. Actually, it defines what I have been feeling for some time, if not, most of my whole adult life. I feel like I am wandering around in my life without any real sense of direction.
When I lost my full time job a couple of months ago, I began to experience the financial strain that life can impose upon you. Its proven to be an incredibly tough time. I have recently gained a position at Tescos, which is not anything to be raving from the rooftops about, but its something stable. Something I be proud of perhaps, if I learn anything. However, it still isnt full time time, but it is guaranteed income to a degree. I hate having to worry about money. I was born and grew up in poverty, pretty much. As an adult, it sadness and depresses me that I have to struggle with money once again. There will be a time when I really wont have to think about money at all. I can just live life without the fear of what kind of destruction money can cause. What upsets me even more is that money was invented by man. We are slowly destroying this earth....little do we realise it :/
Another big theme lately is procrastination. Oh how time fleets and evades us. We pass it every waking second and succumb to it in every sleeping minute. We are quite happily (or not so) drifting through life, working, learning and forging new experiences for ourselves. But are we truly embracing what it is to live? Do you have a hobby or a quenching desire to throw yourself into something thrilling and amazing? I lose count of all the hobbies I have, yet there is still so much I want to experience, to try and to learn. I thirst for more, all the time, I can never get enough. However, these thoughts often overwhelm me, and strangely enough, slow me down. I overload my thoughts so much that I lose focus and I stutter. Im no longer persuing what I really want to achieve, but I feel dragged down by the expectations I have of myself. I procrastinate, I hold my hands up, I am guilty by admittance and exposed with proof. These last few months have dragged, Ive wandered through the quandary waist deep, my goal in sight, but ever escaping my grasp. Perhaps I like the idealism of wanting to achieve many things that I distract myself from what I truly mean. Im holding myself back and I only have myself to blame. Please learn from me, and dont get caught up in the mistakes I have. If you want something, dont lose focus.
I constantly wonder about my life and the decisions I have made. The paths Ive taken and the feelings Ive felt. I wouldnt ever change what I have chosen to do, or what life has dictated for me. I learn from every aspect of life, I challenge it. I dont just bend over and let life take me for a ride. I am wholly responsible for the position I am in today. Im not doing too bad for myself. Of course, as most people say, it could be worse. It really could be. Right now, I know a handful of people who are currently suffering in scenarios that I would hate to be in. I live comparatively and that reminds me never to be too selfish for any length of time. I am a very selfless person most of the time, but as long as I am aware of the lives of my friends, I am constantly grateful for the life I am living.
Right now there are two guys who are extremely close to me, and who have inspired me to a degree in which I cannot express. Their support is magnified by the frequent contact they give to me. I cannot be any more thankful unless I had more resources at my disposal. These two friends will always have my gratitude, for the rest of my life :) Of course the biggest thanks goes to my lovely, amazing girlfriend. I never thought someone could care about me to such a degree in which I feel like the most important person in their world. She has truly shown me what it is to care for someone, support someone through any troubling times that may arise in life and of course embrace the excitement and adventures of a lifetime! She has shown me that it is possible to love again :)
Tuesday 20 March 2012
The Seeker of Happiness returns!
Its been too long....again. Life has thrown me a fair few obstacles, which have proven difficult for the path I have planned for myself. I always find that in life, there are distractions and downfalls. Distractions, in which the responsibility lies with yourself, is one that plagues us all. We just have to remain focused and always keep in our mind what our ultimate goal is. Downfalls sometimes cant be helped and are an even bigger glaring problem. The method here would be to try and deal with such a problem the best you can, then once you have overcome whatever has tried to strike you down, carry on down the path to happiness. With dedication and perseverance, you will accomplish any goal you set yourself!
So here is a few things Ive faced recently:
INCIDENT - I lost my job - This is why I have been on Facebook a lot more recently
ACTION - I didnt waiver, I felt sad at first. But then I decided to just enjoy the free time I had! Then once I overcome the unfortunate situation, I went to a work agency and they have been giving me constant work ever since. I fixed a problem from one of lifes downfalls. Which proves my theory in my opening paragraph :)
INCIDENT - The council have deemed my house not fit to live in and we all have to be out at the end of the month. We were all supposed to move into an empty house with the same agency. But 2 of my housemates had a bust up and now we arent moving into the empty house!
ACTION - I tried not to fret. I simply looked at my finances, despite not yet having consistant, full-time work. I looked at available options and evaluated my budget and how much I could afford. I went to view a house yesterday and it looks promising. I wont be homeless at the end of the month and the house I went to see was so LUSH!
These are two of the major downfalls in my life right now. But I seemed to have dealt with them incredibly well. Having Kirsty to support me was really lovely too. She helped me retain my confidence and helped me see the strength I possess within myself. Im a survivor, I can deal with most shit life hands me.
Project Sylo hasnt been going all too well due to this, sadly. But once I move into my new house, I should feel fresh and ready to carry on with improving myself. I apologise this hasnt been a long update, but I just wanted to let you know what has been going on in my life for the past month or so. I missing writing and I feel a little better now I have typed this. I hope you are all well and your lives are going great. Im around on facebook, so if you do wanna chat, about anything at all, then dont hesitate to message me and I will be more than happy to chat :)
So here is a few things Ive faced recently:
INCIDENT - I lost my job - This is why I have been on Facebook a lot more recently
ACTION - I didnt waiver, I felt sad at first. But then I decided to just enjoy the free time I had! Then once I overcome the unfortunate situation, I went to a work agency and they have been giving me constant work ever since. I fixed a problem from one of lifes downfalls. Which proves my theory in my opening paragraph :)
INCIDENT - The council have deemed my house not fit to live in and we all have to be out at the end of the month. We were all supposed to move into an empty house with the same agency. But 2 of my housemates had a bust up and now we arent moving into the empty house!
ACTION - I tried not to fret. I simply looked at my finances, despite not yet having consistant, full-time work. I looked at available options and evaluated my budget and how much I could afford. I went to view a house yesterday and it looks promising. I wont be homeless at the end of the month and the house I went to see was so LUSH!
These are two of the major downfalls in my life right now. But I seemed to have dealt with them incredibly well. Having Kirsty to support me was really lovely too. She helped me retain my confidence and helped me see the strength I possess within myself. Im a survivor, I can deal with most shit life hands me.
Project Sylo hasnt been going all too well due to this, sadly. But once I move into my new house, I should feel fresh and ready to carry on with improving myself. I apologise this hasnt been a long update, but I just wanted to let you know what has been going on in my life for the past month or so. I missing writing and I feel a little better now I have typed this. I hope you are all well and your lives are going great. Im around on facebook, so if you do wanna chat, about anything at all, then dont hesitate to message me and I will be more than happy to chat :)
Tuesday 24 January 2012
Hello and Project Sylo!
If you're reading this Im assuming you clicked the link from my Facebook status yes? Well, thanks you. Its been a crazy long time since I last wrote an entry, I dont want to even think of the frustration I feel. I have lost touch with words, and words have more meaning than a definition in some dictionary. They are what connects us all. Im also aware that there are probably people reading this who have only got to know me recently. Again, thank you. I really appreciate people who have time to want to know me better and see my opinion of the world and its wonderful attractions. Its a welcoming thought in a world thats seemingly so full of disdain.
Whats new? Well Ive been wasting away (not physically!) and not really doing much. I only have myself to blame and Ive moaned on here before about not grasping the motivation to seek out what I am so passionate about. I constantly feel like Im not using the entirety of my mental capacity. There are so many experiences that I want to experience, so much I want to see and learn.
Im also now single. Yep. Such is a shame. But I think sometimes we can all fool ourselves into think we have found what we've been looking for. Ever since my life was destroyed by my ex, Ive been searching for that one person who would be a blessing and complete my life and fill me with happiness, but as Im the seeker of happiness, naturally, it like to evade me. Love is an unconditional variable, so you can never really expect anything. I have a whole entry dedicated to "love" and its mysteries. In fact, I actually have a rather unique theory on love. So if you continue to read my blog, you will soon find out what that magnificent unique view is!
Its 2012, its a new year, and apparently the last year that we will live, apparently according to the mathematics of the Mayans (cheers guys!) Time to unleash my true potential.
Introducing "PROJECT SYLO"
SYLO is actually an acronym that stands for "Sort Your Life Out" It just happens to sound pretty cool too haha :P
The following quote is from an InMe song and I use it to gain inspiration and motivation. Haters will always hate, but with this mindset, I cant fail :)
"I wont ever be distracted by the ones who want me to fail"
I will keep this in mind each and everyday, and especially moreso if I have some particularly bad days where I feel pretty rubbish about myself.
A long list is about to follow, dont let this scare you! Its just double spaced :P These are all the goals I hope to achieve in due time. Project Sylo is not a new years resolution, its a constant, every changing, adaptive life long plan for me. Its focus is to help me become a better, faster, stronger and more dedicated person. It helps me put into perspect all the goals I want to grasp in my lifetime.
-------------------------------------------------------
DISALLOWED
No chocolate/cakes/biscuits etc
No Microwave meals or pizza
Basically no CRAP
No carbonated drinks
-------------------------------------------------------
Achieve a body similar to Craig Horner's
No eating after 11pm
In bed by 1am latest
300 situps a day
Keep to a strict healthy, high protein diet
Workouts VERY regularly
Get to a dentist and sort teeth out
Save at least £65 a week in 2011
Have a nice relaxing bath once a week
Write more poetry
Learn Archery
Learn Kickboxing
Write stories/blog more
Draw shapes/abstract
Read more!!
Complete the Sword of Truth bookset by Terry Goodkind (13
books!)
Play scrabble competitively
Learn more Swedish
Get at least 2 professional photoshoots
Visit one place in the world I havent been
Travel most of europe/world next summer
Save £5000 for next summer
Become involved in a charity
Raise money for charity
Start a video log
Drink at least 1.5 litres of water per day
-----------------------------------------------------
So thats what I have so far! Please let me know your thoughts/opinions on my Project Sylo! I aim to regularly update on how sylo is going and any challenges I face, so you wont be in the dark. Hopefully you will gain some inspiration from this.
I know this is a pretty brief entry. But I just felt like I should say Hey, get back into writing and introduce sylo to my new friends who keep asking what the hell it is! :P
I am the Seeker of Happiness and my journey continues. For each person who has read this, thank you. I really appreciate your time and effort into understanding me better. I hope that we'll become even more awesome friends in time :)
Whats new? Well Ive been wasting away (not physically!) and not really doing much. I only have myself to blame and Ive moaned on here before about not grasping the motivation to seek out what I am so passionate about. I constantly feel like Im not using the entirety of my mental capacity. There are so many experiences that I want to experience, so much I want to see and learn.
Im also now single. Yep. Such is a shame. But I think sometimes we can all fool ourselves into think we have found what we've been looking for. Ever since my life was destroyed by my ex, Ive been searching for that one person who would be a blessing and complete my life and fill me with happiness, but as Im the seeker of happiness, naturally, it like to evade me. Love is an unconditional variable, so you can never really expect anything. I have a whole entry dedicated to "love" and its mysteries. In fact, I actually have a rather unique theory on love. So if you continue to read my blog, you will soon find out what that magnificent unique view is!
Its 2012, its a new year, and apparently the last year that we will live, apparently according to the mathematics of the Mayans (cheers guys!) Time to unleash my true potential.
Introducing "PROJECT SYLO"
SYLO is actually an acronym that stands for "Sort Your Life Out" It just happens to sound pretty cool too haha :P
The following quote is from an InMe song and I use it to gain inspiration and motivation. Haters will always hate, but with this mindset, I cant fail :)
"I wont ever be distracted by the ones who want me to fail"
I will keep this in mind each and everyday, and especially moreso if I have some particularly bad days where I feel pretty rubbish about myself.
A long list is about to follow, dont let this scare you! Its just double spaced :P These are all the goals I hope to achieve in due time. Project Sylo is not a new years resolution, its a constant, every changing, adaptive life long plan for me. Its focus is to help me become a better, faster, stronger and more dedicated person. It helps me put into perspect all the goals I want to grasp in my lifetime.
-------------------------------------------------------
DISALLOWED
No chocolate/cakes/biscuits etc
No Microwave meals or pizza
Basically no CRAP
No carbonated drinks
-------------------------------------------------------
Achieve a body similar to Craig Horner's
No eating after 11pm
In bed by 1am latest
300 situps a day
Keep to a strict healthy, high protein diet
Workouts VERY regularly
Get to a dentist and sort teeth out
Save at least £65 a week in 2011
Have a nice relaxing bath once a week
Write more poetry
Learn Archery
Learn Kickboxing
Write stories/blog more
Draw shapes/abstract
Read more!!
Complete the Sword of Truth bookset by Terry Goodkind (13
books!)
Play scrabble competitively
Learn more Swedish
Get at least 2 professional photoshoots
Visit one place in the world I havent been
Travel most of europe/world next summer
Save £5000 for next summer
Become involved in a charity
Raise money for charity
Start a video log
Drink at least 1.5 litres of water per day
-----------------------------------------------------
So thats what I have so far! Please let me know your thoughts/opinions on my Project Sylo! I aim to regularly update on how sylo is going and any challenges I face, so you wont be in the dark. Hopefully you will gain some inspiration from this.
I know this is a pretty brief entry. But I just felt like I should say Hey, get back into writing and introduce sylo to my new friends who keep asking what the hell it is! :P
I am the Seeker of Happiness and my journey continues. For each person who has read this, thank you. I really appreciate your time and effort into understanding me better. I hope that we'll become even more awesome friends in time :)
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