Surprising stresses, stutters sequaciousness

Hello kind and lovely readers (yes, readers, because its descript to what you are doing and also because of the context!) But also many of you are my friends, people who I see regularly, and other people who I dont get to see much (sadly) To those who are new to my blog, welcome and I really hope you enjoy this spectacular, intricate and slightly fascinating glimpse into my Utopia. This is my safe haven where I get to unleash the troubles and tribulations of my mental state. I do hope you appreciate and enjoy what I write, because every person who reads this blog, inspires me deeply, especially as I know that the people who read this, are people who care about me, in some degree. For those who dont particularly like me, may I ask, why do you read this? Okay, enough with the unequivocal statements. What have I been up to....?!

So its the middle of July, just into the second half of the year now. I have mixed feelings as to how I felt this year has gone so far. I have moved from Manchester in February, and have sinced moved twice since being down here, which makes my current accommodation, my third place since being in Cardiff. Is that a good thing? Perhaps...Im not used to settling down, but I wouldnt say that I am fleeing when things dont work out. I just simply know when to cut my loses and jump at an opportunity which creates a better quality of life for myself. One of the bonuses of living where I am now, is that its £100 cheaper a month, maybe even more (depending on cost of bills). Within a 12 month contract, over the course of a year, thats a saving of £1200 without even trying! So Ive already saved myself a huge amount of money. There isnt Internet yet, but I believe there is more to life than being connected to a cyber world as opposed to the real thing. This gives me the chance and more importantly, the kick up the bloody arse to get my project sylo started, properly. No more fucking around this time :)

Overall, Im feeling generally happy. Those who care about me, keep in touch via text messages, which is very much appreciated btw. If you dont have my number and do wish to have it, then please dont hesitate to message me on Facebook or whatever. Im still failing to have any luck or possess any skill to actually maintain the interest of a girl. There was a scenario recently that had potential to flourish and manifest into something pretty fun and amazing, but alas, Im assuming the feeling isnt mutual, as I havent heard anything back from this girl regarding our current situation. But as Ive said in past entries (or at least Im sure I have!) that having the pleasure to be in the company of such an amazing girl is only a fraction of the happiness you can own. This lovely girl who makes me feel so amazing about myself must only add to my already existing happiness, it would be incredibly foolish to allow myself to let a girl possess complete functionality of my happiness. Ambivalence is in abundance, but my sequaciousness creates conflict in some areas of my life. Decisions have to be made, but in order to execute this process, I must first hold the knowledge which will help me make the right decisions for myself. Im still remaining positive that one day, there will be this almighty lovely, incredibly fun and beautiful girl that will lure my heart to the fields of paradise. The more a person gets to know me, the more I open up and trust. With me, what you see ISNT what you get, because first I must know what there is to be gained, otherwise my efforts might not appreciated with the girl I wish to show them to. Im hoping Im making some sense here! Its been a while since Ive wrote an entry. My technical style is waning and a more common approach is appearing.

Sadly, I did not get the job for management training. Yes, this is slightly bad news. But I dont plan on serving people pizzas for the rest of my life. I was just hoping that I could gain some experience along my journey to be a counsellor. During the interview process I learned a lot about myself from my perspective and also from the prospective of the upper echelons of the pizza hut company. They shone a torch on some issues which I was blind to before. This is handy to know. As most of you know what project sylo is, this information is seriously useful for my ongoing journey to better myself and become more understanding and become a good person.
I have allowed myself to wade through the waters on ambivalence for far, far, far too long now. I do feel utterly ashamed. One my extreme pet hates is wasting time. I cannot stand entertaining any activity in which I believe is a waste of time. Im not entirely sure exactly how I pertain to guage whether what I do is wasting time or not, I just somehow know. I look back in the last 12 months, and think, "If I started this back then, I could have achieved this by now" This makes me graciously upset. I KNOW my potential and I KNOW what I am capable of. Yet day by day, I let this potential slip and slide down the awesome waterfall of fuck my life! Dont get me wrong, Im not depressed about this or about to KO myself or anything bloody ridiculous :P Its just something Ive picked up on, and I will NOT allow myself to continue this charade of masquerading any longer. If I am to be serious about my project, then I must follow it pedantically and adhere to every amendment. Otherwise my potential is being put on the sideline and everyday wasted is a day where I am one more step away from achieving what I set out to do. For those of you who are not aware of project sylo, I shall post it up as a new blog entry a day after I have posted this one, (So basically, tomorrow!)

In closing for this entry I want to say that I hope you are using your own potential to meet your goals and your needs. We all have the power to tap into a side of us that is an incredible and awe-inspiring. We can become faster, stronger, healthier. We can attain to the superlatives and surpass ourselves. We can use our desire and passion to fuel our dedication to become a better 'version' of who we are today. Because the world is constantly changing, people around us are constantly changing, what are we doing to change ourselves exactly? If you have that desire, and you possess that passion, reach for the skies, travel to your utopian world and do what it takes to release a potential inside of you which has perhaps lain dormant most of your life, if not all of it.

I once said something to someone I used to care about, and it was this "I feel like a tree thats falling in the woods, no one can hear me, no one cares." Well, now I have an answer - Be the biggest, most beautiful tree anywhere in the woods. Be the tree that gets noticed from miles away, that attracts many visitors who appreciate what an amazing tree you are. Just because you're a person among millions in this world, doesnt mean that you cant be seen or heard. There will always be someone in this world who will listen to you, no matter how far away you are. There are people in this world who will care about you, no matter how often you see them. There are people in your life who will ALWAYS remember the time you shared together. If you are reading this, and you know that we have shared a special time together, just know that I hold the time we shared in my heart and I appreciated every minute that was spent in your world.
Its 1:26am as I finish this entry. Yes I know Im breaking project sylo, but alas, a worthy sacrifice! Goodnight you amazing people :) x